Goodbye My Lover
by shan14
Summary: Two lovers say goodbye


A little out of character...but a look into a possible future if certain events of the Season Final had panned out differently..

Don't own anything

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"Going somewhere?" her cool voice broke through the silence, stopping him in his tracks. He lowered the shirt he had been folding beforehand to the bed where a half empty suitcase lay before turning to face her slowly. She was smiling at him, her head tilted to the side as she crossed her arms, silently analysing him as he continued to stare at her in surprise. He raised his eyebrows gradually in a silent request as to why she had appeared and all she could do in response was shrug her shoulders, barely holding back a giggle as his eyebrows rose again.

"Surprise" she laughed happily, throwing her arms up before swirling on the heel of her shoes, sending him the playful grin that he loved so dearly yet saw so little of, before sauntering towards him, adoring the way his gaze followed her movements perfectly from the swish of her hair to the sway of her hips.

"I thought you had gone" he spluttered out finally, tearing his gaze towards her sparkling eyes as he scratched the back of his head absently, watching her stop centimetres from his body so that he could feel the cool breeze that accompanied her when ever she came around.

She smiled up at him, enjoying the warmth that she so really felt as he moved to put an arm around her waist, desperately praying that things had changed since last time so that he could relish the feel of her skin against his or his body pressed towards hers; her soft lips or the feel of his hands running through her hair.

She stepped back suddenly, pointing a finger in his direction as she raised an eyebrow in disapproval, once more tilting her head as a mother might do to a small child.

"Mike" she warned with the hint of a smirk "You know the rules" she reminded gently, watching the defeated stance of the man she loved taking over the happy one from moments before.

"No touching" he sighed knowingly, lowering his gaze to the floor for a moment before pulling his shoulders back so that he was facing her once more. He let out a deep breath as she nodded solemnly, knowing how hard it was on him to have her so near yet so far away and not being able to do anything about it.

"Stupid rule" he murmured, his hand finding the back of his head once again now he knew nothing had changed. She was still as unreachable as ever though she stood right before him, and it was slowly beginning to tear away at the life he had worked so hard at to regain.

She moved up so that she was centimetres from leaning against his chest, his hair tickling her cheek as she whispered softly in his ear, watching his eyes droop closed sleepily.

"One day it'll go away" she reminded him, noticing his body shudder with the feel of her breathe against his ear; or at least what he thought he could feel she thought knowingly.

Once again he dropped his gaze to the floorboards of his apartment, finding surprising comfort in not looking at her despite the many nights he lay awake wishing she was near.

"Well, if soon is a lifetime your right" he whispered back sardonically, biting down on his lip with painful force so that she wouldn't realise that he was close to tears.

She did notice though, just as she had each time she had appeared at his apartment unannounced, breaking the rules so she could spend a few moments alone with him.

"Mike, please don't do this" she pleaded angrily, feeling the unshed tears of the last few years rise in her chest though she knew she would never cry them, she couldn't, and that was what was so painful in the first place.

"Please, don't wreck what we have just because you want something more"

She jumped in surprise as his hand flew up against his side; the anger he had suppressed for god knows how long coming to a boiling point as he tried desperately to find the words to express how much he hated everything about their situation and everything that had happened because of it.

"I can't just, sit here, knowing your so close but I can't touch you; seeing you here in front of me but not being able to kiss you or hold you" he cried, stepping backwards so that he could see her entirely.

"It's not fair Kate that you can come here when ever you want, and see me when ever it pleases you but the one thing, the one thing in the whole bloody messed up world that I want to do, I can't because of some stupid rule that someone else made up"

He stepped backwards once more so that he could face away from her, feeling to ashamed and emotional to even look at her. He was sure that if he had to see her gorgeous face once more he might just lose it, or worse, follow her, something of which he had spent so much time promising himself that he wouldn't do.

Reading the terrible look of pain that was washed across his face Kate took a step towards him, her heart gripping in fear as she realised that he was actually contemplating following her when she left.

"Mike" she called loudly, grabbing his attention away from his troubled mind so that he was forced to look at her once more.

She watched in pain as his mind gave way and the tears from the past few years escaped the tortured mind of the man they belonged to; as they rolled unceremoniously down his tired and aged face, hitting the fabric of his pale shirt as he hit the ground, leaning against the bed for support as he tried desperately to control his breathing.

She stood there for what seemed an eternity, not daring to move towards or away from him as he continued to sob against the shirt lying on his bed. Her gorgeous man, whom she loved so dearly, yet whose heart she was breaking by just being there, was falling apart and there was nothing she could do to stop him, only stand and watch as he finally let his mind realise what had happened.

Sometime later he found the strength to look towards her, raising his eyes towards her own wet ones, noticing the unshed tears that sparkled there but never seemed to fall.

Neither said a word to each other, neither knowing how to, until she finally took a chance and stepped in his direction stopping just ahead of him so that he could met her half way.

Gently he raised himself to his feet, taking a small, wobbly step towards her.

Their eyes locked and for the first time he felt that he could understand her, how she felt and what she thought; just how desperate she was to have all he wished and prayed for.

"Why does everything have to be so hard" he murmured towards her, leaning his head towards hers so that there foreheads were almost touching. He stared deep into her eyes, her soul, and saw that exact question mirrored back to him in a silent shrug of unknowing.

"Cause we missed our chance Mike" she replied finally, not quite believing the answer but giving it regardless, if only to see his reaction.

"We were never given the chance in the first place" he countered, subconsciously counting the sun kisses across her face and wondering if it were possible that she have more than the last time.

"Your getting married Mike" she whispered finally, shattering the illusion of hope that he had tried desperately to build over the past few seconds.

He closed his eyes tightly; the hurt in her voice too much to stand let alone the look in her eyes.

"Kate" he tried to explain but her voice cut him off mid way and he wasn't able to say anymore.

"And that's okay" she whispered finally.

"No, no it's not" he disagreed, smiling sadly at her as they stepped back, both feeling the third presence created by her statement from before.

He closed his eyes, his mind swimming through the past years and all they had brought. Back to a time when he hadn't even known she had existed, when he was 12 and she was 2 and his mother forced him to watch a movie about love and heart ache and happily ever after; a story with the famous words that he only now could understand.

"You can't marry someone when you're in love with someone else" he whispered finally, not daring to open his eyes until the quote had died from his lips.

He looked around finally, his heart clenching painfully as he realised that she wasn't in the room, wasn't in the hallways or the kitchen or the lounge room or anywhere else he searched that afternoon. Eventually he collapsed against the bed he had slept in for the last 8 years, grabbing a firm hold of the shirt that he had been folding and breathing in its scent.

It was the last thing of hers he had, and if Ursula had ever realised he owned it she would have left him for good.

Hours later he sat at the kitchen table, paper and pen poised in front of him as he tried to find the words to write what was on his mind. There was a shuffle from behind the door before it swung open and he tried desperately to hide what he had been writing before she noticed but he could tell as soon as she entered that she already understood what was happening. They both had seen it coming; sooner or later one of them would have ended it as neither could find it in their hearts to continue with the person they had so dearly tried to love.  
His heart was with someone else and she deserved better than that, they both understood and now all that was left was the official goodbye.

"You forgot your coat" she smiled weakly, holding up the plastic bag that contained his well loved winter clothing.

Without making a noise he rose slowly to his feet, walking towards Ursula until he was standing in front of her.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered finally, leaning across to kiss her forehead.

As soon as she felt his lips against her skin the walls she had built up collapsed and she burst into tears. She pushed against his chest forcefully before turning away.

"Please, just leave Mike" she pleaded, watching the mirror as his reflection continued staring at her a moment longer, finally bending down to grab his fallen coat before leaving the room.

"Mike" she called suddenly, spinning around to face him as his face appeared from behind the door.

"Just, remember" she choked out "She's not here anymore"

And with that he nodded once, barely holding in his own tears as he left the house, closing the door behind him as the heavens opened up.

When his belongings where safely in the car he turned his gaze towards the sky, blinking slightly as rain drops blurred his vision and covered his face.

"Thankyou Kate" he laughed happily, spinning around slowly as the rain drops drenched through his thin clothing, covering his skin and warming his soul.

"Really, thankyou" he called, not caring if the neighbours heard him yelling to the clouds.

Half an hour later he got out of his now soaking car, wondering briefly how much it was going to cost him to fix the water logged seats and muddied carpets. He stepped purposely into the squishy mixture of mud and grass that was the cemetery grounds before taking the familiar route towards the lake.

For the first time in almost three years he allowed himself to enjoy the serene walk to her place; how many times he'd wondered the path but never noticed the trees and flowers surrounding where she lay he did not know.

He was feeling an odd sense of calm and euphoria, and though he knew that it was only the adrenaline high of the day's events and that tomorrow would most likely come close to killing him, he was quite content to enjoy it while he could.

With a deep in take of breathe he looked upon the grave stone that marked her place in the world, the small marble slab that was the last reminder of the remarkable woman that had left him behind those three years ago.

He bent down next to the cool marble, smiling slightly as the material of his pants squelched in protest with water. He placed a daffodil on the soft earth in front of the stone, pocketing the one from yesterday that was soaked through with rain.

"Love you" he whispered finally before standing once more, turning away from her grave and the daffodil he would return to collect tomorrow.


End file.
